After a weekend away camping, I’m left with the same severe camping confusion that I’m left with after every trip. Do I even enjoy camping? Lessons are never learned from the time before but we do it anyway, and look forward to it too! I love camping. But I hate camping.
1. You’re excited about being at one with nature. But the flies will bring out a terrible side in you that you’ve never seen before. Cue tourettes.
2. You can’t wait to make a fire. But you just end up stinking of smoke all night.
3. You feel a sense of accomplishment once you’ve put up your tent. But taking it down is just a pain in the arse.
4. You brought lots of healthy food with all good intentions. But you end up eating crackers and chocolate because it was just easier.
5. You feel all cozy when you first get in your tent. But do you ever really have a good night sleep? Seriously?
6. You tell your boyfriend you love going off-road. But you didn’t wear a bra and it’s starting to hurt.
7. You really don’t mind having a number 1 in nature. But what if a number 2 calls?
8. You pack the car full to the brim and declare yourself “bush ready”. But you always forget at least 5 things.
9. You think you’re going to be totally fine without having a shower for a day or two. But you’re desperate for one after 2 hours of sweaty sun exposure. Baby wipes just don’t cut it.
10. You fall asleep to the soothing sound of nature. But the soothing sounds of the early morning birds soon turn annoying when you’re feeling a bit groggy.
11. You can’t wait to cook your tea on the fire you made. But you end up burning yourself at at least three times and the potatoes are taking six hours to cook.
12. You’re excited for the road trip to the camping destination. But the road has looked the same for the past 3 hours and several people have spotted you having a wee at the side of the road.
13. You’re prepared with loads of mozzie repellent. But the bastards still manage to get you – and in the most inconvenient places ever.
14. You can’t wait to take loads of #camping pictures. But you can’t be in any of them because you look like Worzel Gummidge.
15. You think you’re going to have a romantic time away with your partner. But you’re too scruffy to even touch each other. Not even love can help that.
16. You love animals and the idea of a kangaroo coming to say hello. But not when they sound like a dinosaur that is coming to eat you in the middle of the night.
17. You look forward to having a relaxing drink around the fire. But waking up desperate for the loo in the middle of the night is the worst.
18. You’re amazed at the stars in the sky. But…but nothing, it’s lush.
19. You love the idea of having no phone signal for a few days. But what if there’s an emergency?? Cue skitzing.
20. You love the feeling of waking up naturally in your tent with the sunrise. But you really really don’t want to step outside where you know the flies await you.
21. You pleasantly skip through the arse end of no where without a care in the world. But then you face-plant a web the size of China, home to the biggest spider you have ever seen. Cue heart attack and shameless freak out.
22. You look forward to getting home. But you hate unpacking and your camping gear stays in the car another 4 weeks.
23. You think you’re a tom boy who loves camping. But really, you’re just a typical English girl who complains about dirty fingernails.