When The Moseses came to Australia

I’ve recently had what felt like three of the best weeks of my life. My parents eventually made it to Australia to visit me! And it was, as expected, a jam packed three weeks and a very different holiday to the ones they normally go on. Chris had only met them two or three times last Christmas too, so this was a pretty big thing for both of them! The ultimate test. We picked them up in the early hours of Monday morning in our Land Rover bearing the ever so Geordie reg plate ‘WEY AYE’ and our apartment was gleaming upon their arrival. Needless to say, they loved it and would definitely be feeling at home for the next three weeks.

I could be here all day writing (and loling) about the trip. So in no particular order, here is the jist of what went down when the Moseses came Down Under…

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Mercury cider was the sponsor of those 2 weeks. And wine for me and me Mam (obvz).

My Mam truly is my biggest fan and literally laughs at every thing I do or say. I know I’m canny funny, but I’m not THAT funny. “Do you like knuckle sandwiches?” (private joke, soz).

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They took a liking to taverns, often in the arse end of nowhere. Having pints in the most laid-back settings amongst the locals. The one’s with proper long beards and who bear a toothless but welcoming smile upon entering their local meccas (completely stereotypical, but so evidently true).

We had a fabulous week in beautiful Cairns. My god, my heart definitely lies in Tropical North Queensland. Those mountains!!! Aaaahhh!! Although to my Mam’s dismay, we didn’t get to do too much beaching done in the week (sunbathing is boring anyway), but it made me realise just how much I miss the beach! Stupid arsehole crocs in Darwin.

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Cairns, you are sexy.

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*Edgy family shot in Port Douglas*

My dad has two pairs of flip flops. Wet (for times around the pool and waterfalls etc) and dry (for every day use and general swanning around). And he is very strict in changing them depending on the expected terrain. Yes, my Dad is a complete fanny. His dry/every day use flip-flops make the most extreme flipping and flopping noises as he walks and we always knew when he dropped back whilst we were walking around. Think of Louis Walsh clapping on the X Factor – that was the noise my dad’s dry flip flops made.

Having my Mam cook for me was absolutely fantastic! On the few days I did work while they were here, I came home to a couple of my faves, including…mince and dumplings! She even said it was a surprise for me coming home. Awww… I did guess though, it is my fave after all.

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Cooking for us while on her hols, aww! (Not sure what my Dad is doing though lolz)

We stayed in a find on AirBNB in Cairns and every time we entered, we said “Hiya!”. It literally felt like we were staying with a family (who weren’t there). Clothes hung in all of the wardrobes, questionable aboriginal art hung from all walls (or beards, according to my dad), the ingredients for baking a cake were in the cupboards… Oh, and we were at the very end of Cairns runway. No need for an alarm with those early morning flights departing. Nevertheless, we had a really pleasant stay and I would actually stay there again.

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A casual photo in front of the aboriginal art

I did a skydive with my Dad. The nervous giggles came and we both did a cheesy video – why are they so bad? He was paired with an old German bloke who had the driest sense of humour ever – that I’m sure made my Dad feel a bit uneasy. Personally, I thought it was hilarious. They were at the front of the plane and he made my Dad dangle there for a couple of minutes before chucking them out. LOL! Evidently, age has caught up with my dads facial skin and his jowls wobbled like mad and he couldn’t open his mouth without top lip going off on some holiday of its own. *Pissing myself laughing as I type this*. Not that I looked too gorgeous myself during mine mind.

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There are no words…

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This is me. Unfortunately.

I turned 29 and wasn’t even arsed about it like I was turning 28. I think I’m ready for my thirties considering how Nana-like I am. I’m not sure I was ready to accept my partying days were over last year but now I think I’m okay with that… It was a bloody lovely birthday too and lush to have the people that I loved there.

My Dad was top selfie taker (or selfridge as he called them).

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*Selfridge*

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Both of them at it. Always!

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“Get in for a selfridge!”

We went on the Sky Rail across the rain forest to Kuranda (on my birthday). My Mam was terrified and shouted at us when ever we moved. She clung on to the side of the chair and didn’t move – not even her head. We got the old train back through the mountains, which proved to be too slow and sweaty to fully enjoy. To be honest, I was just too impatient and desperately craved another birthday wine!

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We took them to Manton Dam for the day – our usual spot for taking the boat to do some water sports. We had the place all to ourselves (which was lovely considering its normally packed at weekends) and we had a really good day; getting thrashed about in the tubes (hilarious), chilling with a picnic and ciders, watching my Dad attempt to wake board…all until my Dad took my Mam for a spin in the boat on their own and the boat broke down. At the very opposite end of the dam. Right before the sun was to set. Typical. They were so far out that we could barely see the boat, never mind communicate. We didn’t know what had happened! Poor Chris had to take one of the tubes and start paddling over. I know they say there isn’t any crocs in there but there’s always the possibility. I waited at the shore at the opposite end on my own silently shitting myself. Today of all days, there was not a single other person there! Luckily they managed to get it going again and in came the 3 of them – and my Mam in a life jacket, obviously. Mam’s are skitzy.

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Thinking they’re lovely in Old John…until they broke him!

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Just LOL!

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All to ourselves…

Sitting on the balcony with wine is ever so satisfying. It’s amazing how much shit you can talk about with your parents – it’s always better when your Mam laughs at every single thing you say.

We went camping at Litchfield National Park and they absolutely loved it! Drinking ciders (shock) in the waterfalls and enjoying being in nature. We gave them the roof tent and me and Chris slept in the smallest tent known to man-kind. So small in fact, that as soon as we got in, I felt claustrophobic and started panicking. So we had to cut a big hole in one side of the tent. We basically slept outside. We had a morning dip in the nearby waterfall, which was more than refreshing (freezing) and I’ve literally seen nothing like my Mam trying to clamber over the rocks and boulders to the water. I’m sure my nana could move faster. On our way back into Darwin, Chris almost killed us as he drifted off at the wheel. Lol!

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Cheesy family shot 1256

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Camping grub!

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The Moses Explorers

One night we went into town for drinks and whilst sitting in the outdoor area of a bar,  a drunken aboriginal guy approached us asking for a cigarette (standard Darwin) and also some money claiming he had walked up from Alice Springs that day. A 20 hour drive away? Yeah mate. Anyway, we spoke for a bit – him telling us more humorous fibs and apparently, he took a liking to my Mam. He asked my Dad if he could kiss her on the cheek and before we knew it, he grabbed her whole face (with his really long dirty finger nails urgh urgh urghhhhhhh) and smacked his lips on hers!! Hahahaha!! He bailed as soon as he did it and my Mam ran straight to the toilets for a wash whilst me and my Dad pissed ourselves laughing. Eeeeewwwww!

My Dad did a bungy off his own back! I still can’t believe it! I bottled it. I know I would probably pass out climbing the stairs getting up there. He jumped out screaming “BUNGYYYYYYY” followed by what I’m sure were some obscenities as he bobbed up and down. I was a very proud daughter. Go on Gary!

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Wouldn’t. Dare.

They were here for Territory Day on July 1st. I’ve said it before…one of the best – if not THE best firework displays I’ve seen. Now I don’t want to have a go at the moon or anything but the tide was so far out that the fireworks were too. Obviously, it was still a great display, but I did miss the exciting anxious feeling of them falling on your head. We did have a great night though. It’s so satisfying chilling on a beach with drinks and market food as the sun disappears into the sea. I will never ever get bored of sunsets.

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Still lush…

We drank so much in those 3 weeks and I was declared a lightweight by the parents. I’m still suffering  exhaustion now from trying to keep up with them. They highlighted just how poor my stamina is! (It’s true).

I took them an hour out of Darwin down to the Adelaide River to go on the famous Jumping Crocs Cruise. It’s always a good trip!! We opted for the small boat this time (which is by far the best one). I’ve been on the tour a few times now but they still terrify me. I really don’t like them at all!!

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My Mam really is a big huge skitz. I drove us down a long gravel road towards a billabong and she wanted to turn back the full time. “If we’re not there in 5 minutes, turn back!” We got out the car too to take some proper cheesy jumping pics in the middle of a long road (you know the ones) and we saw a car headed towards us… “Get in the car!! Lock the doors!!” Jesus, I think somebody has taken Wolf Creek a little too seriously. Those two words left her mouth more than enough times during those 3 weeks.

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Whilst we were down Mindil Beach having a drink at sunset, a random bloke, who was clearly looking for something near us, told my Dad he had lost his thongs. My Dad’s face! We don’t call them thongs in England mate. They’re flip flops. Lol!

We got (another) cheesy family photo with a koala. I really want one!

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…and they met some kangaroos.

We went diving/snorkelling at the Great Barrier Reef, where the journey there was so choppy that everyone spewed! Apart from me. But believe me, I concentrated so hard on not spewing (I’m scared of it).

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Aw, we really did have a mint time and they were no bother! It felt great playing host for them for once and having them in my home. And, amazingly, they didn’t get on my nerves at all!! Well, apart from my Dad’s obsessive flip flop swapping and the day he argued with me (and Google) ALL DAY that Canberra was in New South Wales and I’d apparently made up the whole ACT thing (Australian Capital Territory). I’m pretty sure he’ll still be convinced to this day that he was right. Eh Dad??

Saying bye this time round was the hardest one yet! I’m not sure why – maybe because we’d had such a good time? But dropping them off at the airport was the most emotional I’ve felt in a long time!! (No, I’m not made of stone, Chris!). We were all sad but I’m so glad they got to see how I live out here and understand why I do want to be here in Australia, so far away from home. And they completely do understand!! They’d be living here in a flash if they could.

So I discovered during those three weeks, more so than ever, that my Mam and Dad are just like best friends to me; just as daft (if not more so – especially after a wine), good banter (it was clearly passed down in the genes ten-fold) and our mutual love of griefing each other to bits. I really love it when people take the piss out of me for some reason??I’m already looking forward to their next trip over in a couple of years time already – when hopefully we will be living in Cairns. But firstly, my trip home next summer can’t come quick enough for some more mad Moses time.

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