Last year. In Darwin.

I finally got round to editing the ‘Darwin’ post that sat in my drafts for ages. I’m only like 3 months late. It’s been quite difficult to edit it so that I’m not talking about my situation in Darwin now but I’ve done my best and in no particular order, here you go…

  • I arrived in Darwin on June 3rd  (it literally feels like yesterday) with Stoykes (Aimee Skoyles to refresh your brains) at the peak of the dry season. We flew from Perth in the morning across the Outback and saw some amazing scenes. Coming from a winter in Perth, we were obviously buzzing about the constant sun and hot weather! First things first, TAN! Actually, wine was first.

    As if this is what the Outback looks like from the sky! Mind blowing!

    As if this is what the Outback looks like from the sky! Mind blowing!

  • I was on the farm for a chunk of my time in Darwin but when I wasn’t playing farm fridge packer, I was pretty much just enjoying myself, working (to fund my Bali and East Coast adventures), and spending  a lot of time with Little Chrissy.
  • Little Chrissy: My (now) boyfriend. The guy I met on TINDER!!! (LOL)! Who’s name is actually Chris Brown (yes, like the famous one who chinned Rihanna). I don’t care what anyone says, all single people play on Tinder. It’s a daft little game (well to me it is anyway), and I swiped the ‘Like’ way on him because we had mutual friends and he wasn’t too harsh on the eye either (I’m sure many people will agree with how Tinder has a way of revealing just how shallow we really are). The match came up straight away (shock – he’d already been creeping)! I think I’d only been in Darwin like 2 days and on the fourth(ish) day, we ended up meeting at a festival. It definitely wasn’t a ‘Tinder date’, we just happened to be going to the same event that in fact the whole of Darwin was attending. Anyway, it’s been 8 months now since we first met (and I mean NOW, not last year like this post – confusion attack) and I’m not just saying this because he is my boyfriend, but he is one of the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful people I have ever met (even Swenton agrees on this). In mother tongue (Geordie) terms, he is dead dead CANNY!! I can’t wait for him to meet my family and the rest of my friends back home in April now. Eeeeee!!! *Excited face*1236137_10152358388541431_3701280389263108986_n
  • **Back to last year now** For eight months (the whole time I had been in Aus previous to Darwin), this hostel snob (me) had been lucky enough to live in nice places – not hostels basically. I had previously stayed in them before but for only a few nights here and there at a time. Random humans, germs, super noodles left right and centre, stray hairs, strangers snoring…Urgh, not for me! Yet when I arrived in Darwin I stayed in the Melaleuca Hostel for 7 bloody weeks!! SEVEN!! To my surprise, it wasn’t all that bad actually. Yes it was scruffy at times, it rinsed pretty much every cent out of me, and I did crave my privacy a lot when I was there but I would honestly say it was worth it, simply for the people I met and the banter we had. Plus, I did stay at Chris’ house a couple of nights a week to break up staying on the ‘wet the bed’ proof mattress.
  • Our little crew – Mostly a mix of English and Irish. Not forgetting our favourite Belgian of course. Some of the greatest and most genuine people I’ve ever met. A bunch of lovely people, who would call each other the most harshest of names most of the time…but it was allowed. Pathetically funny jokes coming from the Irish lads every 5 minutes and Scott and Danny’s bromance for me were the highlight of it all. So much of a bromance that Scott would turn into the nagging wife (or husband) as Danny would take about 6 hours to get ready (because he’d be perfecting his quiff with an air curler). Wouldn’t change them for the world!
  • It was a sad time when Team Stoykeses parted ways in October. Stoykes left Darwin to go to live in Sydney with the boyfriend she met on the farm (it must have been that ravishing fridge attire that caught his eye, as shown in Farmin’ in Darwin post). I then moved in with Chris and 3 of his mates.


    Stoykeses x

  • When we left the farm, Stoykes and myself (Stoykeses) found ourselves a room in a house not far from the city centre (which turned out to literally be around the corner from Chris’ house…STALKER ALERT). It came complete with a very uncomfortable double bed that we shared (on the very odd occasion when we weren’t playing loved up losers at the boys houses), a TV (I know you’re thinking ‘EH?!’ but it was the tits after being TVless in the hostel and farm for so long), and last but not least, we had 2 dogs (yes we referred to them as ours). Well actually, they could be confused for horses or possibly cows as they were HUGE hunting dogs. We also managed to get a job together too working for a betting company in the call centre. Which was sweeeet (I wrote most of this when I was there)…Possibly one of the easiest jobs I’ve ever had!

    Mia and Duke

    Mia and Duke

  • Our group of friends also started to leave Darwin one by one to go on their travels and my life here got quieter and quieter. So quiet that I hadn’t drank in over month, until I had totally compulsory leaving drinks with work. You know the dance.
  • There is a boat in Darwin called the LAURIE M!!! What are the chances?? Unfortunately it’s not a very good looking boat; it has rust and spare tyres around the edges, but who cares? I have a boat!IMG_7726
  • I was extremely annoyed at myself for being so weak and succumbing to the typical hostel lifestyle (or trap) many seem to fall in to. In my previous Perth post, I mentioned how I was bang into healthy eating, fitness, yoga etc… Well that all stopped after living in the hostel for a few weeks. I’d drink (even BEER! I hate beer!), I’d often eat crap and I even smoked!! Since the hostel didn’t provide a proper chill out area, the only place to chill was by the bar…it all seems a bit strategically placed eh? It’s basically just saying, drink, that’s all there is to do! Blurghhhhh… Good times though. Very good times!
  • When I first arrived in Darwin, I was my usual self. Forcing Stoykes to get up and exercise, eating healthily etc… but eventually, cooking in the hostel became a huge chore and a massive pain in the arse. Fighting for hobs and dodging loads of randoms just for the sake of a poached egg? The pennies soon became tight as well with eating out like pretend kings. It didn’t take long till life turned into waiting around for the free BBQ’s at the hostel. I’d always be first in line. Standard. Out for nowt though! Everyone loves a freebie! Thankfully, all that has stopped now and I’m back at a gym, eating healthily, exercising my brain etc… It does help that Little Chrissy is obsessed with the gym too, so it does give me that little kick up the arse. I feel so much better now!
  •  As we approached the back end of the year, the extremely humid build up to the wet season also rolled in, making it a bit too hot, clammy and apparently dangerous in the sun (see pic below – no explanation needed). No I wasn’t wearing glasses the size of Deirdre Barlow’s, they were bog standard aviators! I had factor 30 on too!IMG_6075
  • One of my favourite things to do in Darwin during the dry season is to go to Mindil Beach Sunset Markets; swan around the markets, watch the very impressive didgerydoo man playing it proper poper fast, get some market food, chill on the beach with friends, watch the amazing and never disappointing sunsets whilst having some casual beers (or a bottle of wine in my case). Such a lush atmosphere. We would always end up singing once it was dark and we were well on our way to tipsy town. Me especially (obviously) sang every time and the Irish lot belting out mad Irish songs. MCing (like a complete tool) was also a regular occurrence – depending on just how tipsy I was. Back to Back with Scotty W, the number one drum and base MC. My God, all I do is cringe at myself!IMG_4206
  • The Darwiners celebrated Territory Day in July, where they put on an amazing firework display down at Mindil Beach on the water and I swear I enjoyed them more than the New Year show down in Sydney. (I also met Chris’ Mam this night)..
  • My singing (and confidence) has improved a lot since being in Darwin. So much so that now nobody can shut me up! One night I drunkenly got on stage with a band and sang my usual 4 Non Blonds, What’s UP (obvz), then he got me back up to do a few more and we even did a couple of duets together too, ooh la laa!  It now seems to be a reoccurring thing now though and I get up on stage and sing nearly every time I’m out (intoxicated or not)! I now know what it feels like to be a superstar DJ because I often get ‘ONE MORE TUNE’ shouted at me. Canny buzz!
  • After too many wines, I allowed a stranger to feed me chips and powerade when I was drunk one night. Like a father feeding his child. It’s ok though, we’re friends now, me and Brian.
  • ****WARNING – This is going to be a long one**** Little Chrissy took me on a little camping trip to Litchfield National Park. After attempting to put up the tent in several different ways (for it to end up looking like the pic below and me almost wetting myself with laughter), we realised that Chris had brought the wrong rods for the tent, but he compromised with what we had and ended up trying it to a tree which worked wonderfully! We were then right beside a spot with a lot of tents in, single men tents, camping gear etc, but the campers weren’t there. I naively assumed our neighbours would be fishermen and that was the reason why they still hadn’t turned up by dark (and I mean pitch black – no lighting anywhere apart from camp fires). Anyway, sitting around our little camp fire (that Chris proudly made) with our picnic and ciders, the words “I hope they don’t have a load of kids with them” literally left my mouth when a mini bus full of KIDS turned up!! My God. It was a group of 10 – 12 year olds, mostly boys, from an indigenous school on a camping trip. Right beside me. Ahhhh lovely!! Straight away, one of the teachers came over warning us to hide our alcohol because they would possibly nick it! Sound. Then to my disapproval, they started coming over to us. Clearly impressed with the size of Little Chrissy’s muscles, they started tensing their arms signalling for him to do the same and calling him The Hulk and Arnold. I’m assuming they were referring to Schwarzenegger? Each time he did it for them (and it was at lest ten times), they’d giggle and whisper things to each other in their own language. I wonder what they were saying? Laughing at him or with him? Chris was visibly embarrassed but never the less, he kept tensing his bulging biceps (HAHA) to keep them entertained. It was hilarious! They surrounded us again in the morning as we were having breakfast (even more of them this time, including the girls) and stepped up the level of personal space invasion by touching and even prodding him! I was in stitches!! One little guy, even grabbed his full pec and squeezed it! I really wish I had it all on video *sigh* It was gold!!

    Yep, that’s definitely not right!! HAHA

    The kids having a good prod!! Eeeeee I'm actually LOLing!

    The kids having a good prod!! Eeeeee I’m actually LOLing!

  • I got proper close (well close enough, more than I’d ever want to be) to massive crocodiles when I went on the ‘Spectacular Jumping Croc Cruise’ (what a name), which sails on the murky crocodile infested Adelaide River. Being the croc capital of Australia, it would be daft if you didn’t do it! They swam over to us knowing exactly that a lump of meat would soon be dangled in front of their faces, clever sods. I would definitely recommend it if you’re a lover of all things cheesy and touristy like I am. Good for croc facts too! Everyone needs crocodile facts in their lives… I also felt like I was on set of the film of ‘Anaconda’. That terrible one from years ago with J-Lo and Ice Cube. I don’t know if it was just my wild imagination but it definitely had a similar look.10430840_10152554057038453_2415011301062176786_n
  • I caused a scene at the outdoor deckchair cinema half way through a film, when a possum nonchalantly walked over my feet trying to pinch my sweets! My friend actually ran away! Apart from the jumping around, screaming and eventually, laughing uncontrollably afterwards at my reaction (and potentially ruining the film for fifty odd people), it’s a lush place to go in the dry season. Just don’t confuse moths flying towards the projector light as shooting stars like I did. There’s several wishes that will never come true!
  • What is the deal with the dodgy things some people eat in hostels???? I totally get budgets – and a loaf of white bread is only 80 cents or something like that, but my god some people mustn’t have a clue (or care about) what they are actually eating! I noticed a lot of the French for breakfast ate a (full) baguette, smothered in Nutella with a bowl of milk on the side to dip it in? Soggy bread? Urgh. And one Asian guy, wow! I’d say he was there for a week and every day for breakfast he would fry two extremely thick, girthy, budget brand burgers in butter then lodge them between cheese slices and the infamous hostel life white bread. This would be washed down with a full carton of full cream milk and a bowl of extremely watered down noodles on the side. WTF!? (It’s now been 8 months since I say this happened, and I still can’t get over it). I know I said I ate crap at times but no where near the amount 75% of the people staying there did.
  • I had a birthday while I was here. I turned 27 (FURRRKK) in July and had a very splendid time indeed! First of all, Little Chrissy took me on a sunset cruise. We were the youngest ones on the boat (amongst nana’s and middle aged couples) and I was drunk and loud after 2 glasses of wine (no surprise there). It was a lovely little night and we even saw some sharks at the end when we were pulling back into the wharf. I then went to Mindil with the hostel lot, where we were fed free vodka, chicken and oysters. Me and Jason took it upon ourselves to show the rest of the group how to eat oysters. Unfortunately (not – I love oysters), we had to show them a canny few times because they were all big puffs and ended up spitting them out as soon as they put them in their mouths. Anyway, I ended up outdoing myself (wine and vodka shouldn’t be mixed) and wanting to go home before everyone. Standard birthday procedures. To my surprise too, whilst trying to sort out my face in the public toilets mirror, the whole hostel crew (boys as well) storm in singing Happy Birthday!! Followed by Hip Hip HAWAY’s!!! Hip hip haway, hip hip haway, hip hip haway! Eeee I loved it! I then got 27 bumps (just) by the lads. I don’t think they realised just how many bumps I needed! So I woke up the next day (on my actual birthday) feeling a little less than my usual best but ready to do it all again. It was actually nice to wake up in the hostel with friends on my birthday and get cute cards and gifts from them and Little Chrissy.IMG_4467
  • Through living in a hostel for so long, I learned how to sleep through anything. Possibly even an atomic bomb! (Unfortunately these skills didn’t last too long and sleeping through Chris’ snoring proves to be difficult). Luckily, there were four of us that were in the room together the whole time we were there. Stoykes and myself, and Aine and Katie, the two lovely Irish girls. We became very comfortable with each other; swapping clothes, tits out, singing, mess, mess and even more mess. I’d even find Katie’s knickers in my case! I really did feel sorry for other girls coming in to the other 2 beds. We had blatantly claimed 94% of the whole room! (See above pic).
  • Stoykes also had a birthday. Three days before mine. She was in bed first on her birthday too, before 11pm actually (LOL)! She left us very stealthily (after spewing) so when I went to find her, I found her her roaming the corridor in her pj’s looking worse for wear. For some reason, I face planted her birthday cake. (I HATE WINE)!



  • We’d take part in the hostel quiz every Monday and for a couple of weeks we were called ‘Mic Check One Two’ – I’ll give you two guesses as to who named the team. I say we were a team, we pretty much expected Jason, the most intelligent Irish human that graces earth , to answer all the questions.
  • Back to when me and Little Chrissy went camping; like I said before, we had to compromise and tie the tent to a tree with some string. There was absolutely no need for anybody to walk by our tent and the only reason I think anyone would do it, would to be nosey or plain arrogant! Anyway, very very early in the morning as we were waking up, one of the teachers (accompanying the indigenous kids) walked so close to our tent that he obviously didn’t see the string attached to the tree, and the idiot clothes lined it!! WWF style!! Absolutely brilliant! Not so sneaky now, are you!?
  • I was sitting having a coffee one day when one of my oldest friends from school swanned past me! I hadn’t seen her like 5 years!! We went all the way through school together and even on our first girly holiday to Malia when we were 17. Madness!
  •  I sat in a red ants nest by accident and the bastards bit my arse to bits. I then proceeded straight to the police on duty, where I reported a crime and demanded an arrest…Nothing happened and the little twats got away with it.
  • ‘Tell Her’… A game (or rule) I’d never even heard of before living in the hostel. Boys being boys, when ever they would make a comment about a girl at the hostel (which more times than not was a sexual innuendo), they would be made to ‘Tell Her’ or face a kick in the balls. Choosing the kick in the balls was the best option (in my opinion – for spectating purposes). Full blows to the balls after a 20 minute build up of bouncing about trying to avoid the oncoming foot! Class viewing.

I need to stop typing! This post is more than long enough, even though I could go on forever. It’s made me feel really nostalgic editing it and I really do love Darwin! If I could go back in time and do it again, I would do it in a heartbeat and change nothing… Things have turned out just lovely!



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